You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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