i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
