Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
