So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
