Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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