I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
