OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
