Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Sober January is a disaster.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
