if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
