and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
