I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize