thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
