You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
