My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
