Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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