But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
