come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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