Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
