i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
