I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
