I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
