My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
