I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I will be naked everywhere
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize