I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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