Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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