Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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