I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I could make wine with my vomit
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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