Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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