Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I want to fling myself into the sun
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
