Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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