I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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