Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
