I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
