I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
