There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
