Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
