i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
