its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
