there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
