Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
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