apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I have tasted many bathrooms
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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