fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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