Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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