i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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