I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
