i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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