He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
