Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
