if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
