he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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