I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
