and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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