I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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