I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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