im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
