I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
