So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
