Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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