You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
