Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
