Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
