He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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