Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
