just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
