I could make wine with my vomit
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
