Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
