I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
