I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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