May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
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