I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
