Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
