She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
