At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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