My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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