Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize