Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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