I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
