You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
