I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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