In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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